One Day Closer

Someone tell me Caleb is coming back. Someone tell me he’s not actually gone. Someone tell me he’s been on a vacation the last 3 months, and that I get to see him soon..

Someone tell me all this, and promise it’s not a lie.

The longest amount of time I spent away from Caleb was when I went to Tauernhof in Austria. It was so hard to be away from him for that whole time, but equally, I knew he was coming to meet me. It was a long 3 months, but I was so excited to see my man again. Each day I was one day closer.

This has officially been the longest 3 months of my life. I’ve been away from Caleb, but this time he’s not coming to meet me. This time I don’t get to count down the days until I see him again. This time he’s gone. This time, “one day closer” means something a whole lot different.

Each day, from the minute I wake up to the minute I go to bed, I tell myself that if I could just get through this day, I can sleep again. I can dream of him again.

Each day, I go through a flight of different emotions. From feeling strong, to fragile. Sad to blissful. Grateful to angry. Lonely to comforted.

Each day, I am exhausted, physically and emotionally. I am exhausted from the swing of emotions, and the complete toll grief plays on your body.

Each day is a fight to survive. I may seem “happier”, I may seem “better”, but every day I choose to fight the battle I call life.

Each day so far, I have won the battle. And that’s because I am one day closer.

I am one day closer to being with Caleb again. I am one day closer to meeting our Lord in heaven. I don’t know what the time line is. It could be days, weeks, months or years. But all I know is I am one day closer, and that’s good enough for me.

I love you to the ends of this earth Caleb, and I will never stop loving you.

For anyone who struggles with anxiety, the greatest tip I have for you is this:

Live each day as it comes. Find comfort in being in control of that very moment. Know that getting through each day is an accomplishment in itself. Know that each day you get through is one day closer to an eternity with God, if you choose to commit your life to Him.

If anyone has questions or wants to talk more about this, please don’t hesitate to reach out🤍